


sure i get lonely sometimes

by malikspayno



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Song fic, fragile zayn, this is my first time writing, zayn gets emotional, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:46:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malikspayno/pseuds/malikspayno
Summary: Zayn is with all these new people in his new chapter of life, but he gets lonely, and he just misses his family, and Liam.





	sure i get lonely sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> Hii, so this is my first time ever posting a fanfiction, so go easy on me?  
> and this was loosely inspired by the song "All my Friends" by Snakehips ft Tinashe & Chance the Rapper.  
> So you might want to listen to it to get the vibe that I was in while I was writing this, hehe  
> anyways, enjoy.

Sometimes loneliness creeps up on you in times you don’t actually expect. It could be when you’re in class with none of your friends, and the teacher tells you to “pair up”, it could be when you got an exciting news and you realize, no particular name popped up in your mind, to inform them about the excitement that came to you, or it could be in a crowded room, with so many people that you actually know, but you just feel so void, and empty.

In Zayn’s case, he gets lonely, sometimes, not often, but it’s when he’s out with his friends (this bunch of new crowd that he hangs with a lot now so he that’s what he calls them, friends), in some high-end club, in New York with shots lined up in front of him that he realizes, he’s so _lonely._ He’s not sure how and why is he feeling like this, at this moment, he’s happy, he is. But there’s still this emptiness sitting at the pit of his stomach as he looks around, at all these new people, people that, yeah sure, he’s grown accustomed to, and care about, but there’s still no denying the yearning inside of him that keeps him from actually enjoying this night. His eyes scan the room filled with some familiar, but mostly unfamiliar faces, and stops when they meet a pair of grey ones walking towards him. “Zee.” Gigi sighs out with a smile, and wrapping her hands around his figure. That’s another thing that’s making him feel confused and empty, Gigi’s his girlfriend, or something, but she kisses him and they go on dates even though Zayn still feels the lack of emotion at the end of the day, and their PR said it’s good for their image, so why not? And she’s here, but still, why the fuck is the emptiness that took home in the pit of his stomach has yet to leave?

“Gee, glad you can make it, babe.” Zayn wraps his arms around her thin waist, and maybe his arms miss the feeling of another warm strong torso with strong muscles but that’s not up to talk about right now. “Of course, I made it. Proud of you, babe.” Gigi replies and plants a kiss on his lips, and Zayn’s still feeling _so lonely._ Maybe, because the warmth and the softness of the lips that touched his wasn’t right and different from the one he deep down, deep fucking down needs and yearns for right now. But he knows, he _knows_ that this is definitely not the time for his mind to be travelling there right now so he plasters a grin on his face and plants another kiss to the blonde in front of him. And maybe he’s trying to have that fire inside of him to be set off with the atmosphere he’s drowned in right now, and also with the pair of lips that keeps meeting his every few moments, he knows, the only pair of lips able to do such things are miles, _miles_ away from him. Oh, and he misses his family too, he missed the presence of his mum, the solid warmth keeping him grounded to this earth, he misses his sisters, he misses his _Baba._ And usually, when those feelings start to crawl up Zayn’s inside and Zayn starts to feel lost, he has a pair of brown eyes and a set of warm hands keeping him sane, making him realize, _okay, Zayn. You’re okay, its okay._ But right now, those things that cause Zayn’s comfort are so, _so,_ far away from him. So, yeah, Zayn gets lonely.

“You good, mate?” Zayn looks up from his empty shot glass to meet Griff with worried eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He replies. “You look a bit, off.” Griff says with a grimace. And Zayn likes Griff, he’s one of the nicest people and one of the few people Zayn actually trust from this new crowd that’s made a place in his life. He’s one of the few people who got to know about Zayn’s past and present and sometimes on nights where they’re hanging with a shared blunt and the smell of weed in the air, Zayn tells him about his plans for the future too. Griff looks at him and asks with a worried look, “Is it something about Li-” “No, why would you even say that? No.” He covers up quickly because it’s _not._ He’s just feeling a bit tired and missing home. Maybe the home in Bradford or the home that is the warmth nestled between Liam’s arms, he doesn’t know because he’s on his fourth or sixth shot right now and everything’s a bit spinny. “Okay, mate woah…” Griff’s eyes widen and Zayn realizes he just said all those things out loud. “I’m fine, Griff. Honestly, just- I’m good.” Zayn sighs but he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than he’s trying to convince the man in front of him. Griff lifts his hands up in surrender and turns around and disappears into the crowd. Zayn downs another shot.

Zayn’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and if he silently wishes for a particular name to pop on the screen as he reaches into his pocket, no one else has to know about it. He slightly struggles to read with the room spinning on him but he manages to see a few words like “congrats” “new single” “proud” and he could make out the blurry “Ant” on the top of the screen, he sighs and put his phone back in his pocket, choosing to reply to it when he’s sober, and tries to stomp down the fact that he’s expecting Liam to text. _Liam_. Liam with his supports and smiles and kisses. Liam who somehow down the road became one of the most important thing to him. Liam who’s somewhere out there. Liam who used to be his. He misses Liam. And that thought goes crashing when Gigi falls into his lap giggling, obviously drunk. And well, at least someone is having the time of their life. “ _Zaynnn…_ ” Gigi giggles dragging out the letters in his name, and it still sounds so foreign to his ears, like his body has anatomically grown used to the voice of someone else dragging out the vowels of his name, calling him like that, someone who has warm eyes and warm smile, someone who’s not here, but he laughs, he doesn’t know why, but the room is spinning so he laughs. A bunch of people start to join them in their booth and they’re all drunk, fucking wasted. All his friends are wasted. And he’s also on the way to being fucking plastered, the unstoppable laughs coming out from him full force as he downs more drinks and shots lined up for him but even then with all his wasted friends, Zayn gets lonely.

Stumbling in his drunken state, Zayn manages to get to the bathroom with no scratch. He leans on the bathroom sink for support, takes a deep breath and looks up into the mirror. The mirror has a few stains on it, it’s a bit dirty, but Zayn tries to focus back onto his reflection, seeing this man with green in his hair, and stubble on his face, and the new tattoos decorating his body. He decided this night out is just a waste of his night, he just feels so _exhausted._ He’s panting heavily and room just keeps _spinning_. And then his phone rings, which just makes his head a lot dizzier with the sound blasting from his pocket but then he manages to actually fish it out of his back pocket and somehow picks it up and brings it to his ear, greeting whoever it is with a, “Whoever this is, all my friends are wasted, and I hate this club.”. But he didn’t expect to have the voice answering back to him to be the voice he has missed for so long so right now, when he actually hears it, his mind goes a bit bonkers and maybe it sobers him up a bit the way getting splashed with ice cold water does, but there he is, standing in front of some stained bathroom mirror in some expensive club who can’t even clear their bathroom mirrors –Zayn hates this club for it– with his mouth agape because, “ _Zayn? Are you there?”_ and Zayn thinks he might be hallucinating but he replies with a, "Yeah."                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

“ _It’s Liam_.” comes through the speaker followed by a throaty laugh. “Leeyum?”

*

Liam thinks it’s not fair, it is so not fucking fair, that after all these months of not hearing his voice, the first thing he does is drag out the vowels of his name like that. And it is so unfair that after all these months; he still has the same effect on Liam. And for a moment Liam’s brain cuts circuit, because it’s _Zayn_ and he doesn’t know what to say because he didn’t think Zayn would actually pick up the phone, he was supposed to be at some club partying, with his girlfriend, like those update accounts been tweeting about. (Not that Liam’s been checking, it just gets retweeted on his timeline so he actually reads it. He doesn’t go looking up Zayn’s whereabouts, nope.) And if he happens to be in the same city as Zayn is right now, He absolutely is not calling Zayn right now so he can ask him to meet up with him, because he misses Zayn’s presence in his life, nope.                                                                                                                                                   

So, he clears his throat and tries to come up with some type of topic, “Congrats. On the new song, it’s great.” Liam says, hoping he doesn’t sound stupid. _“Huh? Is that you, Li?”_ Zayn asks and he sounds… tipsy. “Zayn, are you drunk?” Liam asks into the phone. “ _I don’t know, but the bathroom is spinning around, so yeah, I think.”_ Zayn sighs. Zayn sounds genuinely plastered and somehow, sad. Liam’s brows furrows at the tone of Zayn’s voice. “Zayn, are you okay?” Liam asks. And he thinks he hears the sound of Zayn slightly choking before he hears him clears his throat and answer with a, “ _Sorry, thanks Liam. I’m good, cheers.”_ And Liam takes a deep breath at that and closes his eyes for a moment and opens his mouth again, “You’re good, but are you _okay_?” He asks, and if his voice drips with _i’m worried about you._ He couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck, because right now, he needs to hear Zayn even in his intoxicated state, at least answer with a _im okay, liam._ But you can’t always get what you want, because next thing he hears is Zayn breaking out into a sobbing mess and Liam’s eyes widen as he jumps up from his couch and starts to panic because, Zayn is sobbing, somewhere in some bathroom club, in New York, Zayn is sobbing. _His Zayn_. And he is so, so far away from him. “Zayn, baby, it’s okay, you’re okay, take a deep breath, deeps breaths, baby, deep breaths.” Liam paces around his room frantically holding his phone with both hands to his left ear.                        

“ _All my friends are fucking plastered, and I fucking hate this club. And I drank too much and I’m just so tired, Leeyum._ ” Zayn answers in between sobs and Liam can hear that he is full on crying now. The things Zayn says used to be amusing to Liam, but right now, Zayn in his intoxicated state sounds _so broken_ it’s twisting Liam’s insides. And Liam can’t think and focus on anything else other than thinking of ways to get the other boy to calm down because the sounds of Zayn’s cries might actually be the awful, terrible death of Liam. “Shh, it’s okay, don’t cry, love. Don’t cry, please.” And he hears Zayn trying to take a deep breath but he still hears the broken sobs the other boy keeps letting out, and maybe Liam’s lost his damn mind but he knows the club Zayn’s in is barely a 15-minute drive from the hotel he’s in, (it was retweeted onto his timeline.) and maybe he’s being full of himself but he knows, he’s damn sure that at times like these, Zayn needs him. So he grabs his jacket and his keys with his phone between his ear and shoulder with Zayn still sounding so _broken_ on the other line. “ _I can’t move, Li.”_ He hears Zayn’s voice in between sobs and Liam rushes out a, “It’s okay, love. I need you to stay where you are, babe. You can do that for me, yeah? Stay where you are. It’s gonna be okay.” And he hears Zayn answer with a faint _okay._ “ _You should be here, Li. You should’ve been here.”_ And Liam feels like he’s been hit by a shit ton of bricks, because he knows damn well, he should’ve been with Zayn, he should’ve never left him.

*

Zayn can’t breathe, he wasn’t expecting to be questioned if he was okay at all, and he absolutely didn’t expect himself to go into a full panic attack slash breakdown the moment he realizes that fuck no, he really is not fucking okay. And the fact that it was Liam who was questioning it made it all super fucking worse. So here he is, plastered, sobbing, on an empty bathroom’s floor, with his phone clutched in his left hand, with his ex on the line. And Liam should’ve been here; he should’ve been by his side, that way Zayn wouldn’t have feel this fucked up because God knows he only is ever sane when he has Liam next to him. And he was hit with the realization that yes, he really made it, but with the success, comes these overwhelming amount of new crowd, and being in the middle of this new heaving heat crowd also brings loneliness to Zayn, and he just really, _really_ misses his family, and Liam. And another wave of tears flow out. “ _Zayn, I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there, I know. And I’m sorry. But, I need you to not cry, love, can you do that for me? Please, please.”_ He hears the panic in Liam’s voice, and even in his drunken state, it’s still Liam’s voice bringing him the sense of comfort he needed. And he’s trying, he’s trying to stop the waves of sobs that keeps hitting and to stop the flow of tears but he’s just so overwhelmed and tired of keeping everything in, and maybe it’s his fault for bottling everything up in the first place only to have a broken dam event like this but he ju-

“Zayn!” and yeah, Zayn is definitely hallucinating right now, because that sounds like Liam, and not phone-Liam but as in, in-the-same-room-with-me Liam. “Shh, you’re okay, I’m sorry, you’re okay.’ And he’s being held in Liam’s arms, and maybe he’s dreaming, or hallucinating, but it feels so good to be back in the warmth between Liam’s arms, it’s so good to be _home_. And Liam holds him long enough until his crying has slightly subdued, and he doesn’t know much about what happens after it other than drifting into sleep with Liam hoisting him up in his arms. And at the end of the night, after what he thinks is a wasted Friday night, Zayn with his red eyes, crawls into Liam’s bed, and stays in his warm embrace; it doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's my first fanfiction posted ever, please comment your thoughts? and I didn't have a beta on this so all mistakes are mine, sorry. and Thanks for reading <3


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